In this blog post Luigi examines how the factors that form our sexuality or sexual scripts. He also explores what to do when these rules become rigid, things go off script or when expectations need careful consideration for individuals and relationships.
Influencing Factors On Sexuality
Long before people have the language to describe their sexuality, families, schools, religious traditions, cultural communities, relationships, pornography and social media have shaped their understanding of what is normal or desirable. Some influences teach care and responsibility. Others prescribe how bodies should behave and what counts as satisfying sex. People are rarely short of opinions about sex, however lack the safety to explore these understandings. We sometimes refer to these sets of beliefs or behaviours as sexual scripts.
To explore this in more detail, consider someone who has grown up believing that satisfying sex must involve intercourse. They may enjoy an affectionate, pleasurable experience yet judge it a failure because it did not follow that script. Therefore anything that happens differently becomes a verdict on their adequacy. Other beliefs can be just as restrictive. Someone may think a loving partner must always want sex, desire must appear spontaneously or declining sex necessarily means rejection. Differences in desire or intimacy can then become sources of guilt, anxiety or conflict for many.
How Can SLT Help?
When it comes to exploring sexuality and sexual scripts, at SLT our therapists help clients explore where such expectations originated, how they affect their lives and whether they reflect the values they hold now. Sexuality is constantly evolving with new experiences and experiences. Someone who values intercourse and orgasm may wish to explore how touch, affection or closeness can also result in a satisfying experience. Another may recognise that desire develops differently from what they were taught to expect. By carefully exploring the factors and discoveries through therapeutic intervention people can distinguish experiences they value from rules they feel compelled to obey.
That’s why our role is to help clients recognise their own preferences and decide which beliefs they wish to retain or reconsider. They can disagree with their therapist and choose whether, when and with whom to discuss their sexuality or relationships. Privacy does not necessarily indicate shame. At SLT, we want people to recognise their own voice rather than become a mishmash of everyone else’s expectations.
Our therapists have different areas of expertise, so finding someone suited to your concerns matters. Our friendly admin staff can help answer any questions and find the right match. Appointments are available in Melbourne, Sydney and Queensland, and I see clients in person in Launceston. Online sex therapy and relationship counselling are available across Australia.
