Introducing Chanelle den Ouden, the newest addition to the Sex Life Therapy team.
Chanelle along with her psychotherapy work is also a sexual health nurse. Below we talk about what drew Chanelle to a psychosexual therapy space, her thoughts on stigma and how her approach and experience informs her practice.
How did you get your start in psychosexual therapy?
I’ve always been fascinated by the stigma surrounding all topics related to sex. This stigma has created a collective silence (or taboo) in Western society around the healthy sexual function of our bodies, which often leaves us with feelings of shame.
As a nurse working in hospitals with people whose bodies were sick and in pain, I couldn’t understand why we should feel shame around our bodies if they are experiencing consensual pleasure. I decided I wanted to explore this more, and began a Master of Counselling followed by the psychosexual therapy stream of the Master of Science in Medicine at the University of Sydney.
I feel like I’ve really found ‘my people’ in the group of professionals working in the psychosexual therapy space. They’re incredibly supportive, authentic, diverse, open-minded and reflective – all qualities that counteract shame!
Can you tell us a little about your role as a sexual health nurse?
Along the way, I began to work as a sexual health nurse and educator with children in out-of-home care. I’m still in this role and absolutely love working in the sex education field. The role is quite broad, but I offer support to carers who are delivering age-appropriate and trauma-informed sexual education to adolescents. My teaching is inclusive of pleasure, consent, respectful relationships, gender diversity and expression, along with the ‘nursing side’ of things, such as contraception and how to avoid sexually transmitted infections (STIs).
When it comes to sexual education for adolescents, there is so much stigma around talking to young people about sex, which prevents them from accessing the age-appropriate information they need to make the best decisions for themselves. I love being able to have these conversations in an open, positive and empowering way so that the young people hopefully don’t have to experience the same shame I grew up with around sex.
How does your past experience inform the support you will offer?
So for me, nothing is off-limits. Addressing stigma around sex, exploring how silence and shame related to stigma interact with past experiences and trauma, and empowering individuals through tailored information and techniques are all things that I’m really passionate about. People are always going to make their own choices – which is fantastic, but having as much information as possible to make the choices congruent with your values is an important thing to give to someone. Along with information, curiosity is also really helpful when you are looking at stigma. Especially turning curiosity inwards and looking at how we react to certain situations.
What can I come see you for?
I will work with any sexual issue. Sexual issues around desire, arousal or libido, sexual pain, difficulty achieving orgasm, erectile difficulties, rapid or delayed ejaculation.
My nursing background has given me an interest in working with people with chronic illness or people managing a STI diagnosis, especially HSV (genital herpes) and HIV. I’m also interested in working with people whose experiences of trauma are impacting their sexual lives.
At the moment, I only see individual clients but I’m excited to complete training in relationship therapy later in the year. I really enjoy working with clients who are thinking about, or practising, all types of (ethical) non-monogamy. Especially if you’re in a transition phase of your relationship, or perhaps there’s a particular issue that keeps arising and you’re looking for some extra support.
I’m also LGBTQIA+-friendly, kink-friendly, and sex worker-friendly. My interest in exploring stigma and removing shame motivates me to create a welcoming, accepting and judgement-free space for everyone, but especially for people who don’t always feel accepted for who they are by our society.
What would a first session with you look like?
I really value getting to know people and hearing about their stories. As well as their goals and the things that are important to them in life. Working with the things that make them – them. So, with that in mind, a first session with me will be a thorough exploration of you. This exploration includes current issues and experiences, looking at the bigger picture of you as a person. By the end of the first session I hope that you can tell that I am very interested in working alongside you to achieve your goals, and start to feel comfortable having deep conversations about sex and relationships with me.
In terms of my ongoing approach, I like using a trauma-informed, intersectional feminist lens. I will use tools from acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) and cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT). These tools help to explore and make sense of emotional experiences. I also love to use little exercises between sessions. These exercises help clients continue their exploration away from sessions. Doing work outside of the session can help clients gain a better understanding of what’s going on for them.
Is there anything you’d like to demystify for us in this interview?
I think that you don’t necessarily have to feel like something is wrong to work on yourself or your relationship. Going to couple’s or sex therapy should be a super fun thing. Something that you can do on a date night or as a gift. Putting effort into your relationship when everything is good can be really worthwhile. It also builds the foundations for when things aren’t as good. Resulting in seeking help feeling like less of big deal.
Last question – what do you do when you’re not working?
I like to do ceramics, I have my own wheel. I’ll pull the wheel out when I have time to do the cleanup. I also like to read and listen to audiobooks. Sewing is another hobby I have, as well as making new meals. I see a lot of friends and hang out with my two cats.
Thank you Chanelle for taking the time to chat with us. Looking to request an appointment? Chanelle is available on Mondays in our Collingwood clinic or online.
