Sex Life Therapy - Navigating Polyamorous Relationships: Finding Balance

Navigating Polyamorous Relationships: Finding Balance

A square image with an image of Chanelle to the right. Text on the square reads Introducing Chanelle den Ouden. B.Sc. M. Nurs. Pract. M. Counselling. M. Sci. Med (SRH). Psychosexual therapist. Available Mondays - Collingwood or Online

Polyamory, or consensual non-monogamy, has gained increasing recognition as a valid and fulfilling way to love and connect with multiple partners. However, like any relationship structure, polyamory relationships have their challenges. In this post, we’ll delve into the worries that can emerge from different situations. We will also explore strategies for addressing these concerns. Equally while maintaining a healthy and balanced polyamorous dynamic.

1. Understanding the Concerns

A common concern that can arise in polyamorous relationships is when one partner has more intimate encounters than the other. It is natural for individuals to experience emotions like jealousy, insecurity, and fear of missing out. Especially when they perceive a disparity in the number of intimate encounters their partner is having. Furthermore, these feelings are not unique to polyamory. These feelings can be magnified due to the complexity of multiple relationships.

2. Open Communication

Open and honest communication is crucial in all relationships. Encouraging an environment where all partners feel safe expressing their thoughts and emotions can help to address concerns before they escalate. Set aside time for regular check-ins to discuss thoughts, perceptions, feelings, boundaries, and concerns. I wholeheartedly support the podcast – Multiamory’s “RADAR” as a good tool for this.

3. Exploring Individual Needs

Each person in a polyamorous relationship will have their own emotional and physical needs. It is important to acknowledge and validate these needs and not make comparisons. Discuss what each person wants from the relationship and how they could balance the connections.

4. Establishing Clear Boundaries for Polyamorous Relationships

One of the first things I work with clients is helping them establish clear boundaries. Boundaries are paramount to maintaining a healthy dynamic. These boundaries might cover the frequency of intimate encounters, communication about new partners, and the involvement of each partner in decision-making processes. Particularly work to reassess and adjust these boundaries on a regular basis. I generally ask clients to make more boundaries than what is necessary. As it is easier to walk back a boundary than to heal a hurt. Lastly, I do caution about veto rules. This is, for example, where one partner may deny their partner having an intimate encounter outside of their relationship without any discussion or reasoning.

5. Focus on Quality, Not Quantity

Focus on the quality of each interaction rather than on the number of intimate encounters. Encourage partners to share their experiences, thoughts, emotions, and connections without creating an atmosphere of competition. Competitions and comparisons are a source of tension in relationships. It is about the quality of the relationships.

6. Managing Jealousy in Polyamorous Relationships

Jealousy is a common experience in polyamorous relationships, especially when there is a perceived imbalance in intimacy, despite best efforts. Acknowledge the feelings of jealousy without judgment and work together to find strategies that can manage a balance meeting all partners’ needs. This might involve practising self-care, seeking therapy, or engaging in constructive self-reflection.

7. Equity in Attention

It is natural for the intensity of connections to peak and drop in any relationship. In polyamory, it is smart to work for equity in attention. Allocate your time and energy to partners based on their needs and your capacity, rather than simply trying to match numbers. Beware of polysaturation which is overextending yourself with how many connections you have and exhausting yourself. Often this results in having no time for any of them, let alone your own personal commitments.

8. Cultivate that Trust:

Trust is the foundation of any relationship, and polyamorous relationships are no exception. Building trust requires consistent and transparent communication including listening to understand, reliability, and honouring commitments made to all partners.

9. Personal Growth Powering Up

Polyamory offers opportunities for personal growth. Encourage your partners to explore their own passions, interests, and self-improvement with and without other intimate partners. This can help alleviate worries about perceived imbalances. Individual time is as important as relationship and partner time.

10. Seeking Professional Support for Polyamorous Relationships

This post is no substitute for real therapy. If concerns about intimate encounter imbalances persist and are causing distress, consider getting support from a relationship counsellor or therapist experienced in polyamory. We can provide help and provide valuable tools and perspectives to navigate these challenges that you may not be able to see when you are distressed. At Sex Life Therapy we have a number of poly-friendly therapists.

The worries about intimate encounter imbalances are common in poly relationships, despite our utopian hopes and proclamations. By nurturing open communication, mutual understanding, and a commitment to personal growth, partners can work together to address these concerns and build a stronger, more balanced polyamorous dynamic. Remember that every relationship is unique, and finding what works best for your specific situation may require patience, adaptability, and a genuine dedication to the well-being of all involved.

Ashley Macklin is a Psychosexual and Poly-friendly Relationship Therapist at Sex Life Therapy. Ashley has appointments available in Collingwood, Frankston and online.

Disclaimer: The information contained in this post should be read as general in nature and is only to provide an overview of the subject matter covered. Please see an appropriate practitioner if you have any concerns.

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FOR PROFESSIONALS

Dr Christopher Fox – Clinical Supervision Opportunities 2026

For Pricing See Bottom Of Page.

Clinical supervision is an essential part of working therapeutically with clients. Clinical supervision is a professional requirement of all counselling, psychotherapy, psychology, social work and occupational therapy bodies. All people working in the helping professionals also benefit from clinical supervision (or practise mentoring).

All ethical and professional therapists have on-going formal clinical supervision to support their work in accordance with professional codes of practice requirements. Clinical supervisors are experienced therapists and maintain a responsibility for the good practice of supervisees and to protect clients from harm and unethical practice. Clinical supervisors also have supervision.

Clinical supervision is a space for the supervisee to engage reflexively with the content and process of their client work. Through clinical supervision topics such as therapeutic techniques, therapeutic relationships, difficult problems, ethical dilemmas or issues which impact on the therapist personally as a result of the therapeutic process.

The focus in supervision is three-fold:

3 circles which read 1. Therapy process – the development of clinical skills and awareness,<br />
2. Self-in-therapy/therapy-in-self – recognise and manage personal responses, values and power,<br />
3. Professional development – expand knowledge and skills.

Introducing your Supervisor – Dr Christopher Fox

headshot of Dr Christopher Fox

As a clinical supervisor I work from a collaborative and supportive framework to facilitate the growth of the therapist. I draw on critical reflexive practice where the supervisee moves beyond reflection to engagement in self-in-therapy/therapy-in-self/therapeutic self, self-care and development as a professional. A focus on the praxis issues of practice-to-theory/theory-to-practice encourages the therapist to maintain a best-practice model drawing on evidence-based and practice-based evidence informed approaches.

My professional focus is in the areas of psychosexual therapy, sexuality, and gender diversity, as well psychological wellbeing. My theoretical orientation draws on an integrative model of psychodynamic, Berne, Adler, humanism existentialism, Rogerian and solution-focussed approaches to therapy in the main. My practice is also heavily influenced by systems (Satir, Bowen)/family and relationship therapy. I also utilise creative therapeutic approaches including storytelling, therapeutic photography, and clay/play dough. As a public health specialist and experienced community practitioner I also supervise health promotion, welfare and community development workers.

I have worked with sexual and gender diversity, as well as sexual health and wellbeing for over thirty years. I am an European Certified Psycho-Sexologist with the European Federation of Sexology and European Society of Sexual Medicine. I am Director of Sex Life Therapy – a specialist psychosexual and relationship therapy practice in Melbourne, and one of Australia’s oldest and largest psychosexual therapy services.

I work as a Senior Lecturer in Sexual Health (Sexology) in the Faculty of Medicine and Health at the University of Sydney where I am the Co-Director of Sexual and Reproductive Health Programs and Pathway Coordinator for the Psychosexual Therapy Pathway in the Postgraduate Program in Sexual and Reproductive Health. I hold an adjunct Research Professor in Sexual and Reproductive Health at the Fiji National University. I am the President of the Asia-Oceania Federation of Sexology and have held executive positions on the governing councils of the World Association for Sexual Health, the Asia-Oceania Federation of Sexology and the Society of Australian Sexologists, including National Chairperson.

Indiviual and group sessions available

Individual Clinical Supervision is bookable through Chris Fox and available to general counselling and psychotherapy (psychologists, social workers, OTs, counsellors, mental health practitioners) or psychosexual therapy (psychosexual/sex therapists, sexologists, sexual health counsellors) on a regular or ad-hoc basis.

Psychosexual Therapy Group Supervision held on 1st Tuesday of the Month 16.00-17.30.
This group supervision is open to existing psychosexual/sex therapists/sexologists. Groups are limited to six participants.

Emerging Therapist Group Supervision held on 3rd Tuesday of the Month 16.00-17.30.
This emerging group supervision is aimed at recently graduate therapists (psychologists, social workers, OTs, counsellors, mental health practitioners) and therapist with less than five years practise experience. Groups are limited to six participants.

Cost

Ad Hoc = $125
6-Pack = $635.00 ($105.83 per session).
12-Pack = $1,145.00 ($95.42 per sessions)

Outer Barcoo: Rural and Remote Supervision held on 2nd Tuesday of the Month 15.30-17.30.

This is a general supervision group for practitioners in rural and remotes areas of Australia. The group will focus on practise issues and practice issues with a rural and remote lens.The two-hour groups will focus on traditional supervision and add a professional development aspect as well. This is an online group. (3rd Wednesday of the month at 1430-1630). The group is limited to six participants.

My career started in rural practice and I have always maintained an interest and a connection with these areas. Practising in rural and remote Australia has unique experiences which many urban-based therapists and supervisors do not grasp.